From Analyst Monkey to King of the Jungle MD: The Investment Banking Hierarchy

“This is not a fraternity house,” my staffer explained as he hauled me into a small conference room.

“Some of the MDs have complained about how messy your desk is, so clean it up.”

Genuinely curious, I replied, “Were you referring to the empty Red Bull cans or to all the papers too?”

Not a good start to your 3rd week on the job.

I told this story to a few co-workers afterward and they all laughed and responded the same way:

“He’s lying, a bank is exactly like a frat house.”

They were right – just like a fraternity, there’s hazing, a hierarchy, and certain rituals you must go through to advance.

While this site has been analyst-focused in the past, today you’re going to learn all about this hierarchy, how much you get paid at each level, how the work differs, the average age range, and the possible exit opportunities.

And if you’re curious about hours please stop reading this site right now.

The Holiday Party: Time to Hook Up With Your Assistant?

Your MD is standing on top of a table downing shots of whiskey.

Meanwhile, your assistant is pole-dancing in front of everyone as the associate you’ve been thinking about murdering the entire year offers you tequila.

The bottles are free and the models are looking even better than usual – most likely due to those free bottles.

No, it’s not a lucid dream: it’s the holiday party at your investment bank.

Or at least, it was – before holiday parties were banned.

The Grand Tradition of Holiday Parties

The Don Draper Guide to Investment Banking

A few years ago some banker friends and I were thinking about creating a TV show.

Entourage meets The Office: all the glamor of movie stars and the celebrity lifestyle, but in cubicles rather than Hollywood.

But the outside world has never hated Wall Street more, and post-financial crisis there’s no way a drama like this could ever take off.

Plus, there’s another small problem: it would be impossible to make a show more awesome than Mad Men.

Don’t believe me?

Here are all the lessons you could learn from Don Draper himself: