Becoming Frank Quattrone: Investment Banking Lingo 2.0
“Hahah, oh snap! That is hot. Get this though, the other day, this MD accidentally spills coffee on this analyst’s shirt. MD doesn’t really say anything, just goes on working. The analyst is moping around all day whining about his shirt. So finally, the MD drops $100 bill on the analyst’s desk and goes ‘Quit whining and just go buy yourself a new shirt if it’s that big a deal.’ So the analyst is all happy because he got the POS at Marshalls for like $15. But then, the MD says ‘But I own that shirt now, give it to me’ and makes the analyst give him the shirt go the rest of the day with no shirt!”
Continuing our series in Investment Banking Lingo this week, we resume today with more essential vocabulary that any good banker must know to get ahead in today’s tough market.
Even Frank Quattrone had to learn the meaning of “Alt Tab” at one point or another (ok, maybe he was born knowing that one…).
Investment Banking Lingo: How To Walk, Talk And Act Like Gordon Gekko
“I have read Monkey Business, Liar’s Poker, and When Genius Failed each 3 times and consider them my collective bible. I know I have the eye for perfection and artistic vision to create truly immaculate pitch books. I am Microsoft Certified in Excel, and I know all the shortcut keys (alt-i then r, that will insert a new row). Furthermore, I consider myself a whiz with numbers. I know I would be able to build robust models and complete precise calculations for Lehman Brothers.
Most importantly, however, I want to stress how willing I am to do “anything for the team.” I realize the possibility of long hours exists in such a position, and I am ready to work as hard as necessary. I have been practicing staring at a computer monitor for extended hours; I can currently sit motionless in front of a screen for 28 hours, and I am improving daily.”
-RE: Lehman Brothers Recruiting, The Leveraged Sellout
So, how do you succeed as a young investment banker? How do you perform best in your upcoming summer internship? What if you’re a full-time hire and you don’t want to be laid off 3 weeks into the job?
Dressing for success and buying some nice clothes might help (don’t go crazy, though). And yeah, make sure you network and make a good impression on everyone. Maybe try to learn some modeling before you start.
But one aspect that advice-giving bankers often overlook is the lingo.
Not the basics, like IPO, M&A and LBO – you can read about those in some book called the Vault Guide.
Let’s just skip to the interesting lingo. The lingo that determines your life or death as a young banker.
