The following takes place between 6 AM and 6 AM, at a large investment bank in Tokyo.

Events occur in real time.

6:00 AM: The alarm goes off. I really want to snooze but via sheer willpower I jump out of bed – need to impress my boss and co-workers.

6:30 AM: For my breakfast, I buy bottled tea and onigiri (rice balls) at a convenience store. I listen to the Nikkei Shimbun (analogous to the Wall Street Journal) podcast while walking to work.

6:50 AM: I am one of the first people at the office. I breathe a sigh a relief after confirming that my boss isn’t here yet – sometimes he comes in early too.

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“I read your articles on the myth of the buy-side job and why finance doesn’t guarantee you $10 million and your own beach in Thailand.

But I still want to do finance – I just don’t want to do investment banking. I’m an Economics major, I have a 3.7 GPA and I have no industry contacts.

Do you think I should start in private equity instead? How can I do it?”

This is a very common “strategy” I get questions about.

But is it a good idea?

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“Dude, this new ex-consultant Associate is such an idiot. Why do they even hire people like this?”

“At least yours didn’t make you spread the same comps ten times for no reason.”

“Why is that Analyst so annoying? Why does he think he knows more than us?”

It’s some of the most common chatter you’ll hear when walking through any bank: Analysts and Associates talking trash about each other, and occasionally plotting to kill each other.

And they’ve been at war for a very, very long time.

So how did it all start, and what can we do about it?

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What is Investment Banking?: Ari Gold: What Bankers Actually Do, Why NOT Do Investment Banking, Why You Work 100 Hours Per Week, The Jack Bauer Guide to Investment Banking Success

Investment Banking Lifestyle: A Day in the Life - Worst Day and Best Day, How to Stay Fit, Investment Banking Lingo Part 1 and Part 2, A Week in the Life (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday)

Investment Banking Fashion: Investment Banking Wardrobe for Men, Men's Fashion Basics, How to Pick a Suit, Investment Banking Wardrobe for Women

Breaking into Finance: How to Get an Investment Banking Job, Networking into Investment Banking, Recruiting in a Tough Market, Breaking in from Engineering, Breaking in from Law, Breaking in from the Back Office

Networking: Networking into Investment Banking, Investment Banking Information Sessions, Become a Networking Ninja, How to Network Like Jason Bourne - Podcast, Cold Calling - Podcast, How to Get In From a State School With No Background - Case Study, How to Get In From a Non-Target School With a Low GPA - Case Study

Recruiting in a Down Market: The State of the Market, Check-The-Box-Recruiting to Actual Recruiting, Become a Networking Ninja, Plan B Options, How to Avoid Shooting Yourself in the Foot

Investment Banking Resumes: How to Write an Investment Banking Resume, How Investment Bankers Read Resumes, University Student Investment Banking Resume Template, Investment Banking Cover Letters

Investment Banking Interviews: Investment Banking Interview Guide, The Interview Selection Process, How to Close Your Interviews, Superday Zen: Why Less Is More, Random Interview Selection, Telling Your Story - Part 1, Telling Your Story - Part 2

Summer Internships: Summer Intern Success Guide, How to Dominate Your Summer Internship, Tips from a Former Summer Analyst, What You Do as a Summer Analyst, 10 Summer Internship "Don't's", How Summer Interns Get Full-Time Offers

Investment Banking Salaries: Investment Banking Salaries vs. McDonald's, Why Investment Bankers Make So Much Money, 2008 Analyst Bonuses, 2009 Analyst Bonus Prediction

Private Equity / Buyside Jobs: Private Equity Resumes, Private Equity Interviews, The Myth of the Buyside Job, Headhunters: Friend or Foe?, How to Get a Private Equity Job, How to Tame Recruiters

Specific Groups: UBS LA, Boutiques - 2008, Restructuring, The Back Office, Mergers & Acquisitions, Sales & Trading - Fixed Income, Boutiques - 2009, Why Bankers Dominate Consultants

Investment Banking Regions: Investment Banking Italy, Credit Derivatives in Tokyo, Investment Banking Australia

Business School: Business School Admissions as a Financier, Business School Admissions as a Non-Financier

Quitting Finance & Slacking Off: The Conference Room: How You Get Fired, The Farewell Email, A Day in the Life of a Former Investment Banker, How to Succeed In Investment Banking Without Doing Any Work, How to Have Fun On the Beach

Post & Pre-Layoff Options: Post-Layoff Options, Timing the Market Is BAD, How to Become a Ski Bum